|Monster Mondays: Tyrannosaurus Feathers
||[May. 12th, 2009|10:06 pm]
things that go BUMP in the night...
Today, Dapper Cadaver's Monster Mondays has some sad news. Word is pouring in from China of new Dinosaurs, fluffy and covered with delicate colorful plumage. First it was the Velociraptors, once proud ninja's of the dinosaur world, now just toothed roosters, complete with cocks-comb and dwaddle. More recent finds of fluffy dinos include several Tyrannosaurids. The greatest real monster to ever walk the earth is about to get a make-over in fabulous feathers. It's absurd. Imagine you're in a broken down jeep on Jurassic Park, you hear a thump, the water in your cup does that dino sensing thing that you keep cups of water in the car for, then you hear a deafening "Gobble-gobble-gobble" as the largest turkey you've ever seen steps out of the woods.|
It hasn't happened yet. The feathered Tyrannosaurids the Chinese have discovered aren't the King beast, Tyrannosaurus Rex, just his scrawny uncles and cousins, but storm clouds are gathering on the distant pasts future. In 5 years time our children won't be able to tell Big Bird from Rex, and in 10 years time I wouldn't be surprised if we stopped calling Tyrannosaurs, Drommeosaurs, and Oviraptors "Feathered Dinosaurs" and started calling them "Toothed Birds." It must be stopped. If we can make Pluto a planet again through through the shear force of nostalgia, then science be damned, we can keep TRex scaly and terrifying. Join me!
The idea of wearing feathers sickens T Rex's only living relative, Godzilla.
But Godzilla may not be the only surviving radioactive mutant T Rex for long, apparently, one of the scientists who worked on Jurasic Park (I knew it was a true story!) is working on genetically engineering Chickens to give birth to mutant chicken-osauruses. I couldn't make this stuff up.
Kids need scary monsters to eat there smaller toys and to team up with Batman in kids crayon drawings, to fight cowboys, give King Kong a run for his money, and, scientifically speaking, be 51% MOTHERFUCKER, 49% son-of-a-bitch.
Will T-Rex still be the motherfucker we love and fear if he goes from this to this?
In closing, I would like to once and for all establish T-Rex as the scaly Tyrant King of Pimps by giving the people what we always wanted- Tyrannosaurus Sex
If you'd like to support the keep T-Rex scaly movement, you can help by buying a Tyrannosaurus skeleton.
If you really think things with feathers aren't scary or even remotely deserving of respect, I have a couple of large, angry comrades who would like to visit your house.
2009-05-13 02:46 pm (UTC)
Titanis Walleri is a great bird. In fact the largest, most dangerous predatory bird ever. To make it even freakier and more dinosaur like, it even had arms.
Yet with all that going for it, it's still a B list monster at best. How many Titanis toys did you have? How many Titanis movies have you seen? If no ones scared of it, it's not scary.
It didn't have "arms", actually, just a potential thumb claw on its wing inferred from a mobile-looking joint on the carpometacarpus.
But I'm pretty sure that wouldn't stop you from pissing yourself in fear if a giant carnivorous bird with a head the size of a horse's and a beak like a battle axe was staring you down. Even more so if it was the six ton, six-inch-toothed, lizard-tailed monster version.
And being more serious:
A) Dilong paradoxus is old news (five years ago old)
B) Tyrannosaurus was at least partially scaled, as demonstrated by a few patches of fossilized skin impressions. This doesn't rule out vestigial feathers on other parts of the body, however.
C) The "stage 1" feathers on tyrannosauroids were not the complex structures found on modern birds, and would have looked superficially like hair, not like flashy feather-boa material or whatever. I don't see how a shaggy beard or mane would make T. rex look like any less of a terrifying arch-predator.
Unless the fur on this
reminds you too much of a kitten for you to take it seriously. In which case, for your own safety, please stay away from the zoo.
2009-05-13 09:14 pm (UTC)
T Rex would still be a terrifying top level predator even with feathers, but Monster Mondays isn't about predators, it's about monsters. For me, and I'm sure millions of other kids, T Rex was more then a predator, he was proof that monsters were real, and he was their king. I do not now, nor have I ever regarded tigers as monsters.
The discovery of so many feathered therapods begs a lot of classification questions. Since archeopteryx predates velociraptor should the raptor be regarded as a dinosaur or bird? Since you seem knowledgeable on the subject, I know oviraptor had a beak are there any other feathered dinosaurs with beaks, and if so, what separates them from the various orders of terror birds that came after the dinosaurs? For that matter, do we have evidence all of the terror birds evolved from small flying birds that grew large and flightless, or were they always large and flightless?
The kid in me is excited by the possibility of a direct link between terror birds and dinosaurs. If a bird like Titanis had anything like an arm, was walking the earth a mere 5 million years ago, and is a direct descendant of Oviraptor then it opens the possibility to a favorite childhood game - cavemen versus dinosaurs.
I do not now, nor have I ever regarded tigers as monsters.
In that case, you have to disregard weretigers from India and the manticore from Persia. The manticore was a misguided, glamourized description of the Indian tiger. Tigers in urban myth are also claimed to be man-eaters (manticore is a Greek translation of the Persian for "man-eater").